Master the Art of Creating Influence Through Trust With These Tips

by Ben Baker

Without Trust, there is NO INFLUENCE!

Say it with me, you know it’s true!

Without Trust, there is NO INFLUENCE!

As Stephen Covey was fond of saying,

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

How can we expect people to believe in us or form relationships with us, whether they be corporate or personal, without trust? How can we spread ideas or advance in our careers if there is no trust? How can we get people to like or even love us without trust?

We all want to increase our influence, we all want to:

#1 Say what you mean:

     My father always told me “mean what you say and say what you mean.” Wise words if you unpack them. “Mean what you say” is about who you are as a human being. If you say you are going to be somewhere at 5 pm, do not show up at 5:15 without calling first. If you say that you will get the oil changed on your mother’s car, do it every time within the time or mileage specifications outlined. If you say that you love someone, act that way. Too many of us do not mean what we say. We make promises that we never intend to keep and by doing so, are perceived as less trustworthy and less influential by others.

     “Say what you mean,” is about being clear about intention. I believe that all people have value and should be judged based upon their ability and individual character and not by the color of their skin, gender, race or other beliefs. I live my life according to that belief. This is how I act, and this is how I go out to treat people each and every day. Am I perfect in my actions, probably not, but this is what I strive for and because of this, this is how I am perceived and becomes part of my overall personal brand.

#2 Strive to create value for others

     Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us like when other people pay attention to us. We like when people do things for us, make us feel special and treat us with respect. There is something very pleasing when we are paid attention to, and there is nothing wrong with that.

     What I want you to do, is take that feeling that you get when people treat you well and pay it forward.      Think of the people you wish to influence. Understand what their wants, needs, and desires are. Find out what is causing them pain and grief and do what you can to empathize and solve their issues. When we stop thinking of our own needs first and concentrate on the needs of others, those people understand your value to them. They will see that you are someone that has helped them and therefore will be more open to looking at your point of view and understanding your needs.

#3 Be Authentic

     What has to go hand in hand with striving to create value for others, is authenticity. You cannot be more authentic or less; you can only be authentically you. If you are only helping others so that they will help you back, if you expect immediate reciprocation, then those you have helped will see you as manipulative and not helpful.

     You need to understand who you are, what you do, who you can influence, why you are valuable to them and then act and communicate accordingly, consistently. People will recognize those who act from a place of good will and understanding and be naturally drawn to them.  However, if the act seems contrived and staged, people will not only put up their guard, but they will tell the story about the person who acted that way.

#4 Be Empathetic

     Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy is about understanding and attempting to view a situation from someone else’s  point of view. It does not necessarily mean that you agree with them or the situation that

put themselves into, but by being empathetic, you may be able to help rectify a bad situation.

#5 Listen Actively

     Too many of us listen to respond. We are already forming the response in our heads as the other person is speaking and therefore are not listening to what they are saying or understanding the nuances of their thought process. Being an active listener is vital for building trust. Everyone wants to be understood. They want to be listened to, have their opinions valued and validated and even empathized with.

     It is a real skill to be an active listener, and it takes time to learn how to listen to the entire train of thought of others, without pre-judging, without forming a response and without interrupting. It is always amazing to me how more insightful conversations are when I listen actively. Take the time and make the effort to hone this skill.

#6 Coaching instead of mentoring

     The main difference between a coach and a mentor is the relationship and expectations. A mentor is seen as someone who gives advice when asked, and while this may be valuable to the person asking in the short term, it is like giving someone a fish instead of teaching them how to.

     Coaching is about walking people through the process and helping them come up with their own solutions and conclusions. It is about giving people the skill to be able to understand, extrapolate and solve the problem on their own and that allows them to believe more in themselves and adds to your value regarding influence as when you do make definitive statements that you would like them to stand behind, they understand why they should.

#7 Admit when you are wrong

     None of us are perfect! None of us knows everything and has perfect insight and therefore, from time to time we are wrong. ADMIT IT. People respect others who understand their humanity, admit mistakes and then do what they need to do to rectify them. Anyone can make mistakes, I have made many, but those who can say, “I made a mistake, I am sorry, here are a couple of ways that we can rectify this, what way is best for you?” are the people who are going to build long-term trust that is hard to break.

     To sum up, we live in an imperfect world, with many opportunities daily to either do the right thing or not. Do say the right thing, or not. To help others, without the expectation of reciprocation or not. It is up to each of us to decide who we want to be, how we act and communicate. The choices that we make will determine whether our influence is built through trust. . . or not!    To your success.     ~Ben Baker

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