by Susie Moore
Copyrighted by: Susie Moore
As a life coach and self-A couple of months ago, I felt blocked. I felt like I could not make a business decision, and my indecision was keeping me stuck, frustrated, and irritated with myself. So I spoke with my tapping coach (if you haven’t tried Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) yet, it’s amazing).
He asked about the options I had before me, my feelings about each potential outcome, and then… he asked the magical question that changed everything:
“What is the advantage of staying blocked, Susie?”
What? I thought. Advantages of being blocked. There is none! Zip! Zero. Is he crazy? Man, I need a new coach.
Until… I thought about it. I thought, after some contemplation, I knew it: Being blocked was a wonderful excuse not to take any action. Meaning that if I could not make a decision and act, I could not fail. My “block” was a defensive emotion to keep me safe. Even though inaction is never safe, really (my logical mind knows it’s a form of action too—often the worst kind), my subconscious knew the decision was a big one for me, so it put a block in my thinking.
Being blocked was a wonderful excuse to not take any action. “I guess the upside would be that if I don’t make a choice, I can’t screw things up… at least in the short-term,” I said. Now, as a coach myself, I have since used this question. Here are some ways it’s popped up in my conversations:
What is the advantage of not getting healthy?
Deeper answer: If I am overweight and single, it means that’s why I’m single. It means there is nothing more serious wrong with me.
What is the advantage of comparing yourself with your college friends (and feeling competitive and distant from them)?
Deeper answer: If I keep them at arm’s length, they won’t see my flaws. I feel behind and sad and I don’t want them to see me (parts of me are inadequate).
What is the advantage of not asking for a raise?
Deeper answer: I don’t want to be rejected… and if I get the outcome I want, my husband might resent my new income. He is already insecure, and I don’t want to rock the boat at home.
What is the advantage of not confronting your controlling sister?
Deeper answer: I don’t feel good enough to stand up for myself. Maybe I’m not good at making my own decisions, perhaps I’d be lost without her… I don’t feel strong or capable of running my life on my own. arisen) or an old block (being stuck in an unhealthy relationship for five years).
Ask yourself:
-What is the upside of this block/problem/issue?
-What might be keeping me here if I think about it and am honest with myself?
-What could happen if I lose my belief about this block? How can I see this situation or problem differently?
-And finally, if I loved and approved of myself, how would this problem change?
Awareness about our beliefs—and the truth behind them—is the first step in reducing their power over us.
What can you start to see differently now? Please leave me a comment below. This article originally appeared in Greatist.com
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Susie Moore is a former Silicon Valley Sales Director turned Life Coach and Advice Columnist. Her work been featured on the Today show, Oprah, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, Forbes, Time Inc, Marie Claire and she’s the resident Life Coach Columnist for Greatist. Susie’s work and insights have been shared by celebrities and thought leaders including Arianna Huffington, Paulo Coelho, Kris Jenner and Sara Blakely.
Her first book What if It Does Work Out?was named by Entrepreneur as one of the 8 Business Books Entrepreneurs Must Read to Dominate Their Industry.
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